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the first annual KISS MY ASS awards

May 3rd, 2010 · 7 Comments · rants

Warning: This post contains language that may be offensive to some people.

Today’s post was supposed to be about the wonderful time that Anne and I had at the Healthy Foods Foundations Conference at The Ft. Chiswell Mansion this past Saturday. And I promise the next one will deal with that. But right now I’m really pissed off, and I have to get some of this stuff off my chest before my head explodes. I’m a rather profane person and when I’m angry my language tends to reflect it. I apologize to anyone I may offend. I’ve decided to establish the KISS MY ASS awards for the individuals and institutions who are either fucking us outright or are just too stupid to live.

The KIMME (KMA)

In no particular order, the winners are:

Ken Cuccinelli, the esteemed Attorney General of the Commonwealth of Virginia. This guy is a fucking moron and one of the main reasons I left the Republican Party. He was our State Senator when we lived in Fairfax County. It was bad enough when he directed colleges NOT to protect the rights of homosexuals (even our dumbass governor backed away from that one), or that he was the first AG to file suit over recently passsed health care reform, now this dildo wants to change the state seal to cover Lady Virtus’ left tit. Virginia is becoming a national laughing stock  http://www.50states.com/flag/image/nunst076.gif because of this clown.

http://api.ning.com/files/XwPN7URDsnliybhsN2YddzX-CkRSgpXo3szksuHNk91Uv4lWKBn8aoVuDsFIDqgsyxKFFEfi6OuNFI7LZA56eHHUYzY10xnX/ktcsmileheadshot.jpg Ken Cuccinelli: KISS MY ASS

British Petroleum. Before it’s all over, this company is going to be on everyone’s shit list. This disaster may be the death knell for New Orleans and a lot of the Gulf Coast. 69% of the WORLD’S shellfish come from this area. Under the worst case scenario the oil could eventually affect the East Coast shoreline. This company knew the dangers and failed to properly outline them when they were first granted drilling rights. And they continued to hide the facts. I hope you enjoyed your last meal of shrimp and oysters and blue crabs (just to name a few) because shortly, what little product left will be so expensive that only oil company executives and the banking and Wall Street thieves will  be able to afford them. The next asshole who says to me “Drill Baby Drill” in regard to offshore drilling along Virginia’s coastline is going to need major dental work.

British Petroleum: KISS MY ASS
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, her cabinet, the state legislature, and the rich, white, bigoted fucks in that state who support them. Seig Heil you Nazi motherfuckers. Your immigration law was bad enough, yeah we’re not racial profiling, (no shit, one of the ways they plan to determine who should have to prove they’re in this country legally is by examining a person’s shoes), but they are now purging schools of teachers who have a heavy accent. Good thing the Governator lives in California.
http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/valleyfever/Gov.JanBrewer(R-Arizona).jpg
Jan Brewer: KISS MY ASS
Kingsford Charcoal Products Company. This one may be the one that pisses me off the most right now. I’ve used their charcoal for as long as I can remember. As a chef and barbeque fanatic, I’ve easily spent $10,000 or more on their products. I trusted them. No more.

I purchased these two bags of charcoal Saturday at the same time for the same price. The larger bag on the left contains LESS charcoal than the smaller bag on the right. Kingsford, like a lot of our “trusted” corporations like Kellogg and General Mills, pull this bait and switch bullshit all the time. They know that most shoppers are in too much of a hurry to read the fine print. In many, many cases the larger the container, the more expensive the per unit cost. So to Kingsford and all the other greedy corporations: KISS MY ASS.

And finally, to the President, Congress, State Governments, the Democrat and Republican parties, the banks, Wall Street, the insurance companies, the unions,the lawyers (geezus don’t get me started on them),  the churches, the teabaggers, and all the other worthless, bigoted, low-down, cheating asshole cocksuckers who have sold this once great country down the river:

KISS MY ASS

Thank You.

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7 Comments so far ↓

  • Ernie

    That was some high-quality ranting there, Ron. I didn’t know anything about Cuccinelli (but I obviously disagree with him on the issue of breasts), and didn’t specifically know about Kingsford (but I think that everyone who classifies humans as “consumers” does the same general types of things), but I’m on board with the rest. I would definitely do something about it, but my favorite show is getting ready to come on, so I’m going to pop the top on another two-liter, nuke some popcorn, crank up the a/c and the big screen, and melt into the barcalounger. Let me know if someone fixes this mess!

  • Brian L

    Don’t forget that The Cooch is also suing a UVA professor for misappropriation of state funds because he used grant money to research global climate change.

  • Cynthia B.

    BRAVO! You did a stunning job of summing up the feelings of a large number of hard-working, trying-to-make-the-American-dream-come-true, people who are damn sick of paying for BS and the folks who have sold us down the river. Thank you!

  • Ron Dees

    Here’s a thought. How about a national campaign: Send a Pic of Your Left Tit to The Cooch(ie)? The email address is http://www.oag.state.va.us/

  • Drew

    Very good, Ron! Another fellow profanity junkie!

    Get some lump charcoal instead of briquets… there is some getting used to it, it burns a little longer and hotter, but it has a little less consistency than briquetts do (different sized pieces). I usually use Wicked Good charcoal, which is sustainably harvested (supposedly), but when I need some in a pinch (WG is hard to find, there are only a couple resellers in VA), I get Royal Oak (only can get it at Walmart, which is a bummer…). Stay away from Cowboy lump, it is worthless (sold at Lowe’s)…

    Drew

  • sallysue

    Wow..I had no idea there where non koolaide drinking folks living in Wythe Co! There is hope yet for us

  • vanessa

    lmao, way to go. You said evertyhing that was on my mind. so true, so true..

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