Today’s post was supposed to be about the wonderful time that Anne and I had at the Healthy Foods Foundations Conference at The Ft. Chiswell Mansion this past Saturday. And I promise the next one will deal with that. But right now I’m really pissed off, and I have to get some of this stuff off my chest before my head explodes. I’m a rather profane person and when I’m angry my language tends to reflect it. I apologize to anyone I may offend. I’ve decided to establish the KISS MY ASS awards for the individuals and institutions who are either fucking us outright or are just too stupid to live.

The KIMME (KMA)

In no particular order, the winners are:

Ken Cuccinelli, the esteemed Attorney General of the Commonwealth of Virginia. This guy is a fucking moron and one of the main reasons I left the Republican Party. He was our State Senator when we lived in Fairfax County. It was bad enough when he directed colleges NOT to protect the rights of homosexuals (even our dumbass governor backed away from that one), or that he was the first AG to file suit over recently passsed health care reform, now this dildo wants to change the state seal to cover Lady Virtus’ left tit. Virginia is becoming a national laughing stock  because of this clown.

Ken Cuccinelli: KISS MY ASS

British Petroleum. Before it’s all over, this company is going to be on everyone’s shit list. This disaster may be the death knell for New Orleans and a lot of the Gulf Coast. 69% of the WORLD’S shellfish come from this area. Under the worst case scenario the oil could eventually affect the East Coast shoreline. This company knew the dangers and failed to properly outline them when they were first granted drilling rights. And they continued to hide the facts. I hope you enjoyed your last meal of shrimp and oysters and blue crabs (just to name a few) because shortly, what little product left will be so expensive that only oil company executives and the banking and Wall Street thieves will  be able to afford them. The next asshole who says to me “Drill Baby Drill” in regard to offshore drilling along Virginia’s coastline is going to need major dental work.

British Petroleum: KISS MY ASS

I purchased these two bags of charcoal Saturday at the same time for the same price. The larger bag on the left contains LESS charcoal than the smaller bag on the right. Kingsford, like a lot of our “trusted” corporations like Kellogg and General Mills, pull this bait and switch bullshit all the time. They know that most shoppers are in too much of a hurry to read the fine print. In many, many cases the larger the container, the more expensive the per unit cost. So to Kingsford and all the other greedy corporations: KISS MY ASS.

And finally, to the President, Congress, State Governments, the Democrat and Republican parties, the banks, Wall Street, the insurance companies, the unions,the lawyers (geezus don’t get me started on them),  the churches, the teabaggers, and all the other worthless, bigoted, low-down, cheating asshole cocksuckers who have sold this once great country down the river:

KISS MY ASS

Thank You.

Common sense is a quality that is rapidly disappearing in this country thanks in due part to political correctness, government regulation, sleazy politics, religious zealotry, litigation, and just plain stupidity. Sorry to break it to you Sarah Palin, but your child is RETARDED! According to the 2002 edition of the Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary, the word is defined as, “slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development: characterized by mental retardation.” Downs Syndrome is one of the milder forms of mental retardation. Your attempt to make political hay out of someone else’s use of the word in a private meeting is not only sleazy political posturing; it is also RETARDED. Sorry folks, that woman just pisses me off, and I had to get it off my chest. What this post is actually about is the growing lack of common sense when it comes to the purchase of cigarettes and tobacco products by adults.

This morning while standing in the checkout line at the Ft. Chiswell FOOD COUNTRY USA, I witnessed a teenage clerk, who is not old enough to purchase tobacco products herself, send the woman in front of me, who was obviously in her late 60s or early 70s, back out into the cold to retrieve her driver’s license from her car to prove she was over 18. The same thing happened to me a couple of months ago in the same store. When my turn to checkout came, I asked the clerk why she did that, and she told me that an employee had been caught last year in an undercover sting selling cigarettes to an underage person and now all employees were required to card EVERYONE or they would be sent home.

The other day when I purchased my weekly carton at another establishment, the cash register pinged and the clerk, who was in her 40s, looked at my gray hair, laughed and said, “I’m sorry, it does that when we sell cigarettes. I guess you’re over 18.” I laughed and relayed my previous experience at Food Country to her. She then told me of an even more outrageous experience. Her 84-year-old mother, who uses a walker, was unable to produce a driver’s license because she hasn’t driven in years, was not allowed to purchase a pack because she had no way of proving her age. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGH! My head is going to explode!

I understand that smoking is a disgusting and dangerous habit. It is not only harmful to oneself, but to those around you. It truly saddens me when I see a young person light up, and I don’t have a problem with the recently passed ban on smoking in restaurants and other public buildings. But the hysteria surrounding smoking has gone too far. Over a decade ago, Del Mar, California, banned smoking anywhere in town including one’s private home. People passing thru Del Mar can be fined for smoking in their own car. But again, I digress.

This is about common sense and the lack thereof. I understand that FOOD COUNTRY USA must protect its corporate self from employees who knowingly or unknowingly sell cigarettes to minors. But an 84 year-old woman in a walker is obviously not a minor. In other areas of Virginia, it is common to see signs that read, “We card everyone under 25.” Food Country might want to consider changing their policy to that. Folks in their 30s and 40s might even be flattered when asked to produce ID, and a sweet-looking little ol’ granny can buy her damned coffin nails in peace.

Folks, this has got to stop. The money for roadside clean-up was eliminated from the state budget this year. So the crap you throw out your window, or that blows off the back of your truck, or whatever will stay there. It’s disgusting. Not even an animal fouls its own nest, and Wythe County is our collective nest. A lot of this trash will end up in our waterways endangering the health and welfare of humans and animals alike. The glass bottles that are part of the Blevins’ roadside gift will remain in the environment FOREVER!

Not only is littering disgusting, it’s illegal and down right stupid. In the Blevins’ case, the envelopes with their names and address on them constitute prima facie evidence of guilt. There is also this little problem going around called identity theft. Ever hear of it?

So Mr. and Mrs. Blevins if you read this or if someone who knows you reads this, COME AND PICK UP YOUR DAMN TRASH. The Blevins’ phone number by-the-way, is (276)637-6145. Have a nice day.