This is the first year since we purchased our Humble Little Cottage that Anne and I are attempting a serious garden. It’s also the first year that one or both of us hasn’t had to spend the planting period cruising up and down I-81 to the DC area for family or professional reasons. Add to that fact that practically everything we’re attempting from remodeling the house to managing the land, we’re having to learn as we do it.

Last night taught us the importance of understanding microclimates. We live in a “holler” which is defined as a small valley between mountains. Because of the topography, we have a half dozen or more microclimates. Last night we experienced what I hope was our last frost of the growing season. In some parts of our 3.25 acre mini-farm the frost was heavier than others. One part received no frost at all. After consulting the various weather services, which can only give general information, a few long term residents, and our weejee board, we covered what we could and hoped for the best. We’ll know in a day or two the effect the frost had on things like the tender iris blooms and our strawberry patch.

With rain predicted off and on for the rest of the week, the question we face today is whether or not it’s safe to start planting the dozens of vegetable and flower seedlings we’ve got stacked around inside the house and on the front porch. We’ve decided to cross our fingers and go for it. If we’re wrong, expect another profanity-laced post on the benefits a good cussin’ can have on stress relief.

strawberry blooms

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Elena Kagan, British Petroleum, and the Gulf Coast. What do these have to do with today’s post? Nothing except they’re 3 of the most popular google searches today. Big city folks aren’t the only ones who know how to manipulate the media.

Y’all have a good one.

Today’s post was supposed to be about the wonderful time that Anne and I had at the Healthy Foods Foundations Conference at The Ft. Chiswell Mansion this past Saturday. And I promise the next one will deal with that. But right now I’m really pissed off, and I have to get some of this stuff off my chest before my head explodes. I’m a rather profane person and when I’m angry my language tends to reflect it. I apologize to anyone I may offend. I’ve decided to establish the KISS MY ASS awards for the individuals and institutions who are either fucking us outright or are just too stupid to live.

The KIMME (KMA)

In no particular order, the winners are:

Ken Cuccinelli, the esteemed Attorney General of the Commonwealth of Virginia. This guy is a fucking moron and one of the main reasons I left the Republican Party. He was our State Senator when we lived in Fairfax County. It was bad enough when he directed colleges NOT to protect the rights of homosexuals (even our dumbass governor backed away from that one), or that he was the first AG to file suit over recently passsed health care reform, now this dildo wants to change the state seal to cover Lady Virtus’ left tit. Virginia is becoming a national laughing stock  because of this clown.

Ken Cuccinelli: KISS MY ASS

British Petroleum. Before it’s all over, this company is going to be on everyone’s shit list. This disaster may be the death knell for New Orleans and a lot of the Gulf Coast. 69% of the WORLD’S shellfish come from this area. Under the worst case scenario the oil could eventually affect the East Coast shoreline. This company knew the dangers and failed to properly outline them when they were first granted drilling rights. And they continued to hide the facts. I hope you enjoyed your last meal of shrimp and oysters and blue crabs (just to name a few) because shortly, what little product left will be so expensive that only oil company executives and the banking and Wall Street thieves will  be able to afford them. The next asshole who says to me “Drill Baby Drill” in regard to offshore drilling along Virginia’s coastline is going to need major dental work.

British Petroleum: KISS MY ASS

I purchased these two bags of charcoal Saturday at the same time for the same price. The larger bag on the left contains LESS charcoal than the smaller bag on the right. Kingsford, like a lot of our “trusted” corporations like Kellogg and General Mills, pull this bait and switch bullshit all the time. They know that most shoppers are in too much of a hurry to read the fine print. In many, many cases the larger the container, the more expensive the per unit cost. So to Kingsford and all the other greedy corporations: KISS MY ASS.

And finally, to the President, Congress, State Governments, the Democrat and Republican parties, the banks, Wall Street, the insurance companies, the unions,the lawyers (geezus don’t get me started on them),  the churches, the teabaggers, and all the other worthless, bigoted, low-down, cheating asshole cocksuckers who have sold this once great country down the river:

KISS MY ASS

Thank You.